Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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