I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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