My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
