Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
