If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
