I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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