Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
