Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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