I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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