Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
