help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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