just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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