I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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