It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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