I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
