You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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