I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
