How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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