allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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