I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He better not be in your backpack
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
