Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
