Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
