She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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