The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Life is so much better after having sex.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize