she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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