I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
