there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize