um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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