I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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