help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
