just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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