if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
