Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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