We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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