VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
