Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
