Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
