You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
