Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
