if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
