What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
