Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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