After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
