This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
