Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
