Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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