Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
