The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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