i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
