Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Success! We fucked roommates!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
