I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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