Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
