Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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