I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
