i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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