i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
