Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
