Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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