Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize