Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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