some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
