Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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