The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
