Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
