When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
