No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
