Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
